| drawing. |
[19 Oct 2009|08:35pm] |
|
i want to know what draws you to someone when you're five years old, and i want to know if it's that same thing that draws you to them seventeen years later, and had you talked in the time in between would you have been drawn to each other then too? and if we go our separate ways, and meet again will i be drawn to you again?
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| never mine. |
[07 Oct 2009|03:49am] |
airport hello sooner than i'd anticipated, and a starfucker show that's got me reeling.
yesterday was good.
do you really have to leave again?
|
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| porkyland. |
[30 Sep 2009|05:47pm] |
if you weren't real i'd make you up and we'd do everything together. i'd make you meals and call you up, we'd never talk about the weather.
tacos en el barrio logan + airport goodbyes, and i never thought i'd say this, but i want you back.
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| tonight. |
[10 Jul 2009|02:26am] |
i had a deep conversation with a long lost childhood friend. we caught up, shared current news, and confided things in each other you only would with a stranger you felt unusually comfortable with. i think the somewhat removed outsider perspective we provide for each other sparked self-realizations and the urge to act upon things we only think about.
i needed this like i needed him at my hamster's funeral when i was ten years old.
|
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| you were not supposed to come back. |
[21 Jun 2009|10:46pm] |
yet here you are with your arms wrapped around me every night, and you kiss me over and over again like i'm going to disappear.
and i am.
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| transitions. |
[26 May 2009|10:06pm] |
i am eating soup without a spoon.
living on my own is more difficult than i thought :\
at least i got good grades.
strange living in the same building as my ex. i was mean today, but it seems like we'll be attempting friendship.
|
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| damn. |
[23 May 2009|01:29am] |
i'm tired.
|
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| all the single ladies! |
[21 May 2009|12:57am] |
somewhere during my five hour break between finals, sinney and i had some beer + pizza at louie's. it was strange being drunk on campus... and it was difficult trying to study... and it was hard to focus on my final. but i had to do it because it's pretty much a quintessential part of the college experience. and louie's won't be there next semester, so what better time than now?
angeli and i went bff shopping. sean met up with us later. we met up with justin at the cheesecake factory. we drank, we ate.
several times i almost fell out of my seat while laughing uncontrollably.
i've missed that feeling.
kareoke @ dock's and we promised to get together again before the boys go on deployment (!). it's going to be a banger.
i'm going to have such a hard time getting up in the morning.
avid field trip to san marcos!! i'll finally get to find out why state is far superior ;]
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| we both know your heart's not in it. |
[19 May 2009|11:41am] |
i knew i couldn't be with you when i spent the night sharing a blanket with the only guy at the party drinking cabernet sauvignon.
didn't you and i meet under similar circumstances?
i ignored your phone call, and you found his pictures in my phone.
i'm sorry we couldn't bring ourselves to care.
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| leaps and bounds. |
[16 May 2009|07:16pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
vincent (starry starry night). don mclean. |
] |
it's strange to think that a week from now i'll be sleeping under a different roof almost every night. i know i'll be back more than they think (maybe even more than i think, and just thinking of all the time i'll spend driving back to my parents' house makes me want to stay.
i'm at the chula vista public library right now (civic center branch) with my dad. my mum used to bring me and danny here when we were little kids. this is where i learned how to play chess from some older kids. actually, the kids were teaching my brother how to play, and i sort of learned by association (i learned my state capitals the same way). the gigantic teddy bear in the children's room is gone. i used to hug him 'hello' and 'goodbye' every time we came here. i'm supposedly working on my spanish bosquejo for the paper i have to write about 'preso sin nombre, celda sin numero' and 'los más olvidado del olvido' on tuesday. i also have a children's lit paper due on monday. i want this to be over already.
i thought about taking the 94 home after sinney's birthday celebration last night, but i've been really selective in exposing myself to things that trigger nostalgia. rather, i've been rejecting a majority of these things (probably due to the sense of ambition that's pervasive in my life right now). the only exceptions have been the things that remind me of my childhood before the age of 12. like wheat germ, chochitos, and super mario world (we finally beat it last night!). and this library.
fine. i guess there's another exception...
anyway, the avid party on thursday was awesome. i'm so proud of those kids. i promised the graduating seniors who are going to state that i would help them put together their schedules on webportal (i'm so excited!).
julie and i have big fat plans, and our research began yesterday. my appointment isn't until friday and i don't think i can wait that long.
i've never felt so impatient in all my life.
also, i love this song.
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| la bebida de la gente civilizada es el té. |
[11 May 2009|10:11pm] |
i listened to this song over and over again cuando estaba en la capital. creo que sobra decir en quien estaba pensando cuando la escuchaba... i don't know what made me think of that.
anyway, i'm obsessed with webportal and the fall 09 schedule, and this is not promoting a favorable outcome for the end of the semester. on the bright side, it might put $1,100 back into my bank account, and that's lucky. also, i've found a class on milan kundera, and needless to say, i am jazzed the fuck out of my mind! except i'm really intimidated about the whole 500-level course thing.
lack of sleep and lack of memorization lead me to believe i didn't do so hot on my spanish presentation on monday, although it was one of the best in the class. i'm not sure how detrimental that will be to my grade, but i think i'm doing pretty well in everything else so it shouldn't affect it too much...
i've put myself under house arrest and written out daily to-do lists for the next week in hopes of preserving my sanity. finals just get worse as the semesters progress, but here i am procrastinating on el jay.
recruiting 8th graders at elm was precious. all the kids are so cute and awkward, and i think i underestimate their intelligence because most kids their age are so concerned with superficial things. i've talked to mrs. s, and fortunately, i will be able to continue tutoring next semester (my last :[)! they're aiming for a zero period next year, and i feel like functioning in class at 6:30 in the morning is just not feasible... for anyone.
i talked to michelle today.. i think the last time we had a telephone conversation was the summer before college started. i distinctly remember answering my phone in the salty dog where the cameras could not see me and discussing college plans hahaha! turns out she'll be coming to san diego anyway, which is awesome cause i'll be able to show her all my favorite san diego things. then we'll head up to long beach/hollywood. she should stay longer!
i really can't think of anything i want more than summertime.
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| i had your brown eyes and limbs on me through the night. |
[10 May 2009|02:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
starfucker. |
] |
this:
is the way i feel about:
you with your dietary restriction...
in fact, camera obscura's whole album encompasses my current sentiment in such an exacting way that it's almost frightening. it's release date was perfect and its content could not have been more applicable to where i am in life.
although i've asked him not to contact me and i think he may have taken it offensively, i love everything that he represents, and i like to think the fates smiled upon me and i was fortunate to have him in my life from the time that i needed him... to the time i just didn't. i get attached easily so it was hard to let go, of course. i can't say i'm particularly interested in friendship, but i think i learned the most from him in a way that wasn't detrimental to my well-being. and i think that's the best thing.
i've no real interest in relationships, or dating, for that matter. i've got the usuals on my nuts, and a couple of others i've just met who've expressed interest. but i've found that i immerse myself too much in relationships, and i've pretty much exhausted all the energy i feel obligated to spend on other people who usually aren't deserving of it. i guess what i'm trying to say is, i quit.
subsequently, i've found myself in a phase of absolute self-concern and self-absorption. for the first time i feel a certain degree of conviction about my future, and nothing has ever been so exciting. i think i've realized that even if i wanted to share my life with someone at this moment, i wouldn't be able to do it, and any attempt would lead to heartbreak, either metaphorical or literal. but it's heartbreaking all the same.
i've got big, fat summer plans: living in the college area, camera obscura and starfucker in l.a., finally meeting michelle + escapades in long beach, summer classes, graduation parties, preparing for 2010-2011, six flags with avid, playing mario all the time every day, and chicago!
and though i won't make it back this summer (probably for the best due to gripe porcina), the week and a half i spent in mexico city was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. i hadn't been there in 15 years, but it reminded me of my childhood and it felt like home. and my family? the best. i miss them. i lost a lot of my pictures when my hard drive died, and thinking about it makes me want to cry. but i managed to salvage a few:
my mecca: el museo de antropología e historia.
la basílica de guadalupe. immersion in the mexican culture pretty much makes you want to convert to catholicism.
mosi, santiago y yo fuimos a la embajada de EEUUU en la reforma 222 despues de los 40 principales (where we saw wisin y yandel!). chatago makes me laugh, i know we would have been so close if we had grown up together. note my 'wtf' face.
i can't even begin to express how excited i was for this and how much i loved it. and coyoacán is my favorite, i am jealous that my dad grew up there, although it explains very much why he is so cultured and artsy.
la cama de frida.
with my homeboy leon trotsky in his garden.
homeboy's house.
and last but not least, the jarrok cafe. cracked me up so hard.
well, summer can't come soon enough. it's all i can think about, and finals are a huge detriment to me right now.
oh yeah, i was initiated into phi beta kappa yesterday because i'm a genius. this is a great feat for me after being rejected from csf in high school for BEING LATE TO CLASS. so maybe i still harbor some bitter feelings about that, but being in pbk is really awesome cause it's sort of an 'in yo face motherfucker!' to csf.
i've also been hanging out with my dad a lot, which involves long hours of deep, meaningful conversation, discourse about current events, time spent exploring public libraries, and watching only the best foreign films. he is #1.
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| you want me? |
[25 Mar 2009|07:38pm] |
fucking well come and find me.
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